DARIAN Excerpt 02: “A maze ing Jealousy”
by Ace Trax
Summary: Darian is forced to work with Brittany on a science project. Although that doesn't prevents Kevin to become jealously violent.
1. part 1

The Alternate Daria Series:   
"DARIAN" 

Excerpt 02:   
"A-maze-ing Jealousy" 

INTRODUCTION:   
What if: Daria and Quinn were both born as boys? 

AUTHOR'S NOTES:   
Modelled after the original Daria Episode 107 "The Lab Brat" written by Peggy Nicoll. I have used the actual script, which I have used/borrowed/stolen without permission from "Outpost Daria". That is why certain dialogues and events are repeated, but not all.   
  


_OPENING SEQUENCE_   
_MUSIC: "YOU'RE STANDING ON MY NECK" BY SPLENDORA_   
  


INT. LAWNDALE HIGH – SCIENCE CLASS WITH MS. BARCH   
_Ms. Barch is teaching her class._

BARCH:   
Now, before I divide the class into teams of two, who can give me another example of reinforcement? Kevin? 

KEVIN:   
Uh... 

BARCH:   
Shut up, Kevin. Darian? Reinforcement? 

DARIAN:   
Hmm… to make a child stop… 

BARCH:   
Shut up Darian! Brittany? 

BRITTANY: _(rudely wakened from her vacancy)_   
Uh… 

BARCH:   
Ah hell Darian… 

DARIAN: _(sights)_   
To make a child stop, a mother might say: "That's it! I am sending you to El Paso to live with your real parents."   
So whenever the child gets upset, the mother might wave an airline ticket in her face, or maybe even frame it on the wall by the astronaut picture. The ticket stops the boy from crying, or showing any emotion... ever. 

BARCH:   
Right, that is... 

DARIAN:   
Years later… 

BARCH:   
SHUT UP! Brittany may have now a clue. 

BRITTANY:   
Uh… 

BARCH: _(sights)_   
Kevin! 

KEVIN:   
Uh… 

BARCH:   
Darian! 

DARIAN: _(mocks)_   
Uh… 

BARCH:   
Right! Darian you are Brittany's lab partner. 

BRITTANY:   
Eep! What? But Kevin and I were never separated on a lab project before. 

BARCH: _(ignoring her)_   
You and Darian will design a maze to condition a mouse using positive or negative reinforcement. Maybe you can learn something from him. 

DARIAN: _(mocks)_   
Uh… 

KEVIN:   
Damn! This sucks! 

BARCH:   
SHUT UP! Kevin you will be Charles lab-partner. 

UPCHUCK: _(quiet)_   
Damn! This sucks! 

KEVIN: _(threatening quietly Darian)_   
Don't dare to lay your hands on her. I am having my eyes on you. 

DARIAN: _(mocks)_   
Uh… Well, now I am excited. 

BARCH:   
Shut up, Darian.   


INT. LAWNDALE HIGH – CORRIDOR   
_Darian walks along with Upchuck._

UPCHUCK:   
You have hit the jackpot, Darian. You are a lucky man. Oh what would I give to take your place. Living trough passion while constructing a maze. Blooming into a torrid affair, which shall remain a little sweet secret. As it must. 

DARIAN:   
Of course it must: Since Kevin has threatened to introduce me with Kurt Cobain. 

UPCHUCK:   
That is only a verbal deterrent. He always tells that to anyone who might come too close to his prrrrrrecious Brittany. Personally, I would take the risk, even if he does make an end to my life. 

DARIAN:   
I not. Things, which are that much fun, I rather do myself. 

_They both stop at Upchuck's locker._

UPCHUCK: _(taking things out his locker)_   
And what if Kevin the Menace is obsolete? I can present you the key, which can make this possible. 

_Upchuck handles Darian a stack of photos. It shows a couple kissing inside a cabriolet._

DARIAN:   
Eww… That is Brittany? 

UPCHUCK:   
Yes, and she is with Sam Stack, the Oakwood Quarterback. 

DARIAN:   
Oakwood? They are the rivals of the Lawndale High, aren't there? 

UPCHUCK:   
Yes. The photos were made a couple of weeks ago, on that day, when Brittany and Kevin broke up. I was fortunate to encounter their little tête-à-tête. 

DARIAN:   
You mean Fortuna blessed you when you were stalking as usual in the woods around Lovers-Lane with your telephoto-lens-camera. 

UPCHUCK:   
Yes. _(beat) _What do you think? 

DARIAN: _(handing him back the photos)_   
I think that in future I will always wear antiseptic gloves, when I touch your personal belongings. 

UPCHUCK:   
For an acceptable fee, they are yours. 

DARIAN:   
Although I appreciate your *noble* intentions. I decline your offer enabling me to blackmail a cheerleader. I have got no interests to get lock into that kind of preternatural courtship. 

UPCHUCK:   
A preternatural courtship? 

DARIAN:   
Brain-Cheerleader. Cheerleader-Brain. Do now the bells of St. Mary ring? 

UPCHUCK:   
But your are giving away the chance to have a feisty cheerleader as a willing slave. 

DARIAN:   
I have already given away all my hopes and dreams, why should I care about a willing slave… 

_Darian stops talking when Kevin passes by._

KEVIN: _(blowing a threat into Darian's face)_   
Listen geek. If you come too near Brittany I will bust your you-know-what. 

_He walks off. Darian and Upchuck commence to make snide remarks behind his back._

DARIAN:   
Well spoken Spartacus. 

UPCHUCK:   
Yeah, nice speech Mr. Lincoln. 

DARIAN: _(mocks hurt feelings)_   
Chuck! "Honest Abe" doesn't deserve such a comparison!   


INT. THE HOME OF THE MORGENDORFFERS – LIVING ROOM – EVENING   
_Darian sits on the sofa and watches Sick Sad World._

SICK, SAD WORLD NARRATOR VOICE OVER:   
It's 911 in the morning and 1-900 in the evening.   
The phone sex/E.M.S. dispatcher! When Sick, Sad World returns. 

_Jake joins him on the sofa. He put his hand on Darian's shoulder and smiles._

JAKE:   
Darian, my son. 

DARIAN: _(intimidated from this form of father-son bounding)_   
Uh-huh! 

_Darian turns with the remote the TV mute._

DARIAN:   
With which new phenomenon I have just earned your unusual focused attention? 

JAKE:   
I heard you are working with a girl from your class on a science project. I won't disturb you, because I will leave the house. 

DARIAN: _(wary)_   
Uhh, thank you, Dad. 

JAKE:   
And since Mom is working late and Quentin will be on a date, you both have the house for yourself on this *special* evening. 

DARIAN: _(annoyed)_   
DAD! It is just a simple assignment on reinforcement. 

JAKE: _(twinkles an eye)_   
Certainly. Call it what you want. 

DARIAN: _(glares at him)_   
I have to demand to know your sources… 

_Darian sees how Quentin comes down the stairs._

DARIAN: _(turns on the sound and changes the channel with the remote)_   
Look, Dad, the Pigskin Channel. Great big guys slamming into other great big guys. Fun. 

JAKE: _(he stare at the screen)_   
Cool! 

DARIAN: _(stands up)_   
Excuse me.   


INT. THE HOME OF THE MORGENDORFFERS – DOORWAY – EVENING   
_He walks to Quentin, who checks his looks at a mirror._

DARIAN:   
What exactly did you told Dad? 

QUENTIN:   
Not much, only that young people need privacy, when they meet other people of the opposite sex. 

DARIAN: _(scowls at him)_   
And you will leave the house too? Dad told me you had a date. 

QUENTIN:   
Not quite. It will turn out, that I had to reschedule my date this evening. So when you two will start to work in the garage on all that complicated, technical stuff. Brittany gets bored and comes into a living room, finding me with a bunch of chick videos I have just rented. 

DARIAN:   
So, you are using my school assignment as an excuse to date Brittany. 

QUENTIN:   
Actually it is only a couple of well-calculated coincidences, which leads to an innocent movie evening. 

DARIAN:   
Sorry to quibble with your plans, but there is a little flaw in your scheme. I intend to actually study with Brittany. 

QUENTIN: _(snide)_   
I always thought you never made yourself illusions. 

DARIAN: _(beat, afterwards more snide)_   
I hope for you, you haven't rented "Bambi", you always weep at the end. 

QUENTIN: _(longer beat, then trying to be even more snide)_   
Oh, ha, ha, ha Darian. 

_The doorbell rings._

QUENTIN:   
Door! 

_Quentin checks his looks in a mirror on a wall, then he opens the door for Brittany, who is dressed like a secret agent in disguise with dark sunglasses, black trench coat and a large hat._

QUENTIN:   
Hey, Brittany. 

BRITTANY:   
Hi... Quentin…? Of course you are Darian's cool brother. I am so glad! Now I don't need this disguise. 

_Darian glares behind Quentin at Brittany, while she takes her sunglasses and hat off._

QUENTIN:   
May I help you? 

BRITTANY:   
Thank you Quentin. 

_Quentin helps Brittany to takes her trench coat off, revealing her cheerleader outfit. They walk into the living room._   


INT. THE HOME OF THE MORGENDORFFERS – LIVING ROOM – EVENING 

JAKE: _(examining Brittany's assets)_   
… Whoa! Good catch. 

DARIAN AND QUENTIN: _(aghast)_   
DAD! 

JAKE: _(defending himself)_   
Uhm… I mean the football game on the Pigskin Channel.   
_(he switches the TV-set off)_   
I think I better leave now… Have fun with her… Gah! I mean have fun with your science project! 

_Jake leaves the house, watched by the three teenagers._

QUENTIN:   
Well Brittany, if you want a soda or anything, there is some in the fridge. 

BRITTANY:   
Thanks Quentin. I am kind of thirsty. Could you, like, put some ice in it? 

QUENTIN: _(sincere)_   
How many cubes? 

DARIAN:   
Uhh Brittany. 

QUENTIN: _(to Darian)_   
Shouldn't you be working on your project? You know, teaching a mouse to fetch or whatever? 

DARIAN:   
Looks like there's plenty of fetching going on already.   
_(sights)_   
Brittany, follow me, you ought to see the mouse. It might only got 24-hour to live. 

BRITTANY:   
Oh! No! That poor mouse. 

_Darian and Brittany go into the garage, leaving Quentin alone._

QUENTIN:   
But how many cubes?   


INT. THE HOME OF THE MORGENDORFFERS – GARAGE – EVENING   
_Brittany and Darian enter the garage. Brittany notices a little blackboard behind a table carrying a little wooden maze and a mouse-cage on top. Further she notices opposite the blackboard and the table, a little desk and a chair. The setting of the furniture reminds her of a classroom._   
_Darian closes the door behind them._

BRITTANY: _(suspicious)_   
Now listen, if you are trying to have me for a sick perverted role playing game, you will be in deep trouble. 

DARIAN: _(scowls at her)_   
This is not a game, Brittany. This is serious! At the presentation on the end of this week, who will Ms. Barch ask questions? Somebody like me, who has build the maze and knows the topic by heart. 

BRITTANY:   
Uhh, no. Not you, you are a man… well a boy. 

DARIAN: _(rolls his eyes)_   
Yes, and who will she ask? 

BRITTANY:   
Me... Eep! 

DARIAN:   
And can you tell her something about negative and positive enforcement? 

BRITTANY:   
Can I improvise? 

DARIAN:   
Do you mean like cheering with your pom-poms, while the mouse runs through the maze? 

BRITTANY:   
Exactly. Wouldn't that work? 

DARIAN:   
Only if you are despaired to get an "F". Brittany, to be honest, our grades do not depend from my maze but from *your* knowledge. So it is in my interest to tutor you about the subject. 

BRITTANY:   
So you want to teach me about this reinvestment mouse… maze thingy? 

DARIAN:   
Yes, I will help you bear this burden, as long it is yours to bear. 

_Quentin opens the door, holding a big tray with a selection of sodas, a glass, a straw, a plate with lemon slices, a bowl with ice cubes, a jar with olives… etc._

QUENTIN:   
Look what I made, Brittany. 

DARIAN:   
No crushed ice? I wouldn't put up with that if I were you. 

BRITTANY:   
Thank you Quentin, it is lovely. But I have no time for a drink, Darian has agreed to tutor me about the mouse… Eep! Darian you said the mouse might only live for 24-hour! 

DARIAN:   
Not quite. It has turn out, that it had to found new strength to live on, when we both start to work in the garage on all that *complicated*, *technical* stuff. 

BRITTANY:   
Okay! Let's start learning! Quentin, you can serve us the drinks later. 

DARIAN: _(smirks and pushes Quentin softly out the door)_   
And don't forget till then the crushed ice.   


INT. THE HOME OF THE MORGENDORFFERS – CORRIDOR TO THE GARAGE – EVENING   
_Quentin sees how the door gets closed in front of him._

QUENTIN:   
EWW! Dammit!   
  


_END CHAPTER 1_

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_COMMERCIAL BREAK_   
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	2. part 2

_LA-LA-LA-LA-LA_   
_COMMERCIAL BREAK_   
_LA-LA-LA-LA-LA_

_BEGIN CHAPTER 2_   
  


INT. THE HOME OF THE MORGENDORFFERS – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT   
_Rather bored Quentin watches a football game on TV. He hears the doorbell and stands up to answer the door._   


INT. THE HOME OF THE MORGENDORFFERS – DOORWAY– NIGHT   
_Quentin opens the door to see Kevin soaked with water._

QUENTIN:   
Eww! Kevin. What happened to you? 

KEVIN:   
Upchuck made me change the water in his fish tanks! You know: For our science project, I didn't know that mice could swim. 

QUENTIN: _(annoyed)_   
Yes, yes whatever. 

KEVIN:   
Where is Brittany? 

QUENTIN:   
She is with Darian in the garage. 

KEVIN:   
Alone? 

QUENTIN:   
Alone. 

KEVIN: _(jealous)_   
ALONE!   


INT. THE HOME OF THE MORGENDORFFERS – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT   
_Kevin hurries through the living room but then he hears a familiar voice._   


SPORT REPORTER VOICE OVER:   
The Pigskin Channel! Classic football games! 24 hours a day! Every day! All this month! 

_Kevin legs didn't want to move. He gets drawn to the screen and sits down on the sofa._

KEVIN:   
Good thing I have nothing planned. Hey Quentin! How about a soda for the team's Quarterback? 

QUENTIN: _(annoyed and sarcastic)_   
Anything else? A pillow perhaps? 

KEVIN: _(unaware of the sarcasm)_   
Thanks Quentin, just put the pillow behind my back. 

QUENTIN:   
Gah!   


INT. THE HOME OF THE MORGENDORFFERS – GARAGE – EVENING   
_A standing Darian is tutoring a sitting Brittany._

DARIAN:   
… say, you have a friend who responds to everything you say with, "That's great!" This insincere reply is the same whether you saved a life or killed a bug, and thus becomes "negative reinforcement", causing you to withdraw from that person or persons.   
Any questions, Brittany? 

BRITTANY: _(staring at her pen)_   
Yes… how they put ink in pens? 

DARIAN: _(beat, then deadpan)_   
With microchips. 

BRITTANY: _(impressed)_   
Microchips! Ohhhh! The scientists can really do a lot of things with potatoes. 

DARIAN: _(mutters)_   
I am starting to develop strong sympathies towards my teachers. 

_The door opens: Kevin steps in and sees Darian. He turns his head around._

KEVIN:   
Hey Quentin, this is not the bathroom, this is the ga…   
_(He notices Brittany sitting on the desk and Darian standing like a teacher.)_   
I hope for you Darian, that this is not a perverted role-playing game or I will bust your… 

BRITTANY: _(cutting him off)_   
Nonsense Kevy! What ever made you think of that? We are studying the maze thing. 

KEVIN: _(suspicious)_   
Studying huh?   
_(He notices the table with the maze.)_   
Hey, cool maze! That must have taken, like, forever.   
_(He touches it and breaks off accidentally a wall.)_   
Oops. Sorry 

DARIAN: _(annoyed)_   
Kevin... I want you to put the door down and step away from the maze, and no one will get hurt. 

KEVIN: _(intimidating Darian)_   
Are you threatening me? 

DARIAN: _(being a bit intimidated)_   
Uhh no. Go ahead and break some more doors. 

BRITTANY: _(stands up and goes between them)_   
Ooh! KEVIN! Don't be such a … we were only studying. Like all the smart people do, like Albert Einstein and Marie Curie. 

KEVIN: _(angry)_   
Hang on! They were both dating in that movie "Einstein Junior"!   
_(clutches his fits towards Darian)_   
Why you... 

BRITTANY:   
Kevy! That was only a movie. Not like the real history, isn't it Darian? 

DARIAN:   
Brittany is right: Like every commercial movie "Einstein Junior" is only fantasy product by Hollywood. The historical facts get twisted to fit the audience expectations of the studio bosses. Like "Gettysburg", Titanic", "Schindler's List" and "J.F.K". 

KEVIN: _(calms down)_   
"J.F.K." is really not real? 

DARIAN: _(lying)_   
Yeah. 

BRITTANY: _(she takes Kevin by his arm and walks with him out the garage)_   
See! Now Kevy, come on. We leave now and on the way, Professor Brittany will enlighten you now with the difference of mice and rats.   
_(to Darian)_   
See you tomorrow at school Darian. 

DARIAN:   
Bye. 

_After they left the room, Darian realizes that he just got away from getting beaten up by Kevin, with help of ruthlessly huge historical blunders._

DARIAN:   
Hmm. It is like stealing cheese from a mouse. 

MOUSE:   
Squeak! 

DARIAN: _(to the mouse)_   
Sorry no offence.   


_NEXT DAY_

INT PIZZA PARLOUR – AFTERNOON   
_Darian sits with Upchuck at a table. They have pizza and soft drinks and are talking._

UPCHUCK:   
…having Kevin around my house isn't that bad. Only yesterday he has shined my spoon collection, finished my shopping, and filed my magazines after the weight of the centrefold girls. I never thought of that. 

DARIAN: _(deadpan)_   
There is wisdom in even the most simple-minded creatures. 

UPCHUCK:   
And how was your evening with the prrrrrrecious, rrrrrrravishing, foxy, wouf, wouf... 

DARIAN:   
Finished yet? 

UPCHUCK:   
…luscious, sultrrrrrry, feisty Brittany. 

DARIAN:   
Hard work. All night I was up, thinking how they actually put inks into pens. 

UPCHUCK: _(dirty smile)_   
I believe that part with the hard work. 

DARIAN:   
I know you would say that. You know that teaching her, is like trying to fill a sea of knowledge, into a finger cup of a brain. 

UPCHUCK:   
I wouldn't mind, filling her with the pleasurrrrrres of biology. 

DARIAN:   
And Mr. Ruttheimer's libido strikes again! Anyway I can wash my hands in innocents, since Kevin the watchdog prevails me of any accusation of taking advantage of the ex-innocent girl. 

UPCHUCK:   
How about a deal? 

DARIAN:   
What for a deal? 

UPCHUCK:   
I could keep Kevin with some mazes busy, so you and Brrrrrrittany can enjoy some solitude. 

DARIAN:   
I decline your offer. I don't want that you sacrifice the all your mazes on the back of cereal boxes. 

UPCHUCK:   
Maybe I could get a wind-up dolly to distract him… 

DARIAN: _(evil smirk)_   
Thinking of it: Kevin's wind-up dolly is now playing with me. 

_While Upchuck starts to chuckle, Darian looks up and notice that Jane is looking at them._   
_She is carrying a tray with pizza and a soft drink and she must have followed the previous conversation because, she has an "All-Men-are-the-Same" expression on her face._   
_Ashamed Darian turns his face away._   


_THE CAMERA FOLLOWS JANE_

_Jane walks on and takes a seat at a table far from Darian and Upchuck, who are now about to leave. Meanwhile, while she start to eat the pizza, Jane notices a conversation between Brittany and Jodie, who are sitting behind her._   


_THE CAMERA PANS TO BRITTANY AND JODIE_

_At the other table, Brittany is peering over to Darian and Upchuck, who are now leaving the restaurant._

BRITTANY:   
Ooooh! Can you believe that Darian is trying to take me away from Kevin? 

JODIE: _(laughs out loud)_   
HAH! I can't even believe that Darian could sink so lo…   
_(beat)_   
I mean… What ever made you think of that? Why should he be interested in you? 

BRITTANY:   
Because each time I give him an answer or ask him a question. He rolls his eyes and tries to keep himself under control! 

JODIE: _(rolls her eyes)_   
He is not the only one. A lot of people react like this, when they try to *explain* something to you. Your teachers for example… and me. 

BRITTANY:   
Really? I thought that was because my irresistible personality. 

JODIE: _(quiet)_   
Actually it is an irritating personality.   
_(normal voice)_   
Come on Brittany! You are just making this up. Darian is and never was interested in you in any possible way. 

BRITTANY:   
Oh Jodie, you are so right. Because… always when a man gives me attention. I don't know, like… I get attracted to him even if he is… he is… a… a brain. 

_Jane turns around and faces Brittany and Jodie._

JANE:   
You know Brittany that was actually a very astute observation about the likelihood of him dating you. 

BRITTANY:   
Thank you!… Jane? 

JODIE:   
Jane? Were you spying on us? 

JANE:   
Yes I am guilty. So send me to Siberia. 

BRITTANY:   
You know I will never date Darian, although he is rather cute… for a brain.   
Still: What if he gets a crush in me?   
I have to break then his heart. I would have to play with his feelings. 

JANE:   
One thing is for sure: You are already playing with his nerves. 

BRITTANY:   
You know what is the problem with guys? You give them a smile, and they think you are interested in them. 

JANE:   
Nah! Darian has never even tried to make a pass on m… a lot of girls I know. 

BRITTANY: _(surprised)_   
Do you mean he is not interested in girls??? 

JODIE:   
No! He is just too timid for that. Do you remember the party at Brittany's house? 

BRITTANY:   
How can I forget! He got sick in the ceramic tiger! 

JODIE:   
Yes. And before that, I have witnessed, how he was about to hit on a girl. He was standing in a corner, mumbling a pep talk to himself and his face was dark red, as if he had a rash. I think the girl was…   
_(Jane stares at her)_   
… sorry I have forgotten who she was. 

JANE:   
Yeah… 

_Beat_

JODIE:   
Further I want to add, that Darian would never allow himself to hit on a girl, who has a steady boyfriend. 

JANE: _(smirks)_   
Especially when he hits back. 

BRITTANY: _(calm)_   
So, Darian hasn't got a crush on me…   
_(squeals and then she bubbles out non-stop)_   
But when he hasn't got a crush on me! He still might think I have got a crush on him! Then he will start to turn me down and play with my feelings. But because I have got no crush on him I will have to play with his feelings too, to make him believe I have got no crush on him. So I have to turn him down. But that would mean that I would play with his feelings, and he thinks I am a cheap.   
_(she takes breath)_   
On the other hand: When I will have to play with his feelings too, to make him believe I have got no crush on him. He starts to get a crush on me because I have played with his feelings and he does realize that I might have a crush on him. And he doesn't think I would play with his feelings, then he has got a crush on me. And when I will turn him down in the end, he thinks I am cheap. 

_Jane and Jodie stare at her._

JANE:   
No more Dawson's Creek for you! 

JODIE:   
Brittany! What do you want? 

BRITTANY:   
I don't want to appear… well… cheap. 

JANE:   
Well I see no difference for your reputation. 

JODIE:   
If there ever was a difference. 

Jane and Jodie smirk at each other. Brittany does not get it. 

BRITTANY:   
What shall I do? I don't want to hurt Darian's feelings. 

JODIE: _(rolls her eyes)_   
I give you an advice: Look at Darian like a good friend. Just deal with him like you deal with… Mack. Yes Mack! You never have tried to hit on Mack. 

BRITTANY:   
Hey, you are right!… No that is different! I never hit on him, because Mack is blac..   
_(Jodie glares at her)_   
…I mean Mack is your boyfriend. 

JODIE: _(bitter)_   
Yes. 

JANE:   
So just stay friends! And don't start with him any flirting or hanky-panky. The retribution would be swift. 

BRITTANY:   
What do you mean? 

JANE: _(smirks)_   
Because such actions would drive Kevin immediately into the arms of an other girl. 

BRITTANY:   
Eep! 

_Unnoticed by Brittany, Jane and Jodie. The 3 J's are spying on them. They sit rather far away, so they couldn't have understood what they were talking about._   


_THE CAMERA PANS TO THE THREE J'S_

JOEY:   
Brittany has been hanging out with Quentin's big brother, like, every night this week. 

JEFFY:   
But he is a *brain*. 

JAMIE:   
So she must be hanging out with Quentin. 

JOEY:   
But why isn't Kevin beating up Quentin? 

JEFFY:   
Yes, which is very suspicious: It seems, that Quentin has got a watertight alibi. 

JAMIE:   
So, there must be something we don't know. 

JOEY:   
We got to find out.   


_CUT TO:_   
_LATER THAT EVENING_

INT. THE HOME OF THE MORGENDORFFERS – LIVING ROOM – EVENING   
_Kevin, Joey, Jeffy and Jamie are sitting on the sofa cheering at a football game on TV._

JEFFY: _(to the kitchen)_   
Hey, Quentin more dip sauce. 

_Quentin is in the kitchen filling chips into a bowl. He is not very happy._

QUENTIN:   
Eww!   


_SOME TIME LATER:_

INT. THE HOME OF THE MORGENDORFFERS – KITCHEN – EVENING   
_While Kevin is grinning at the TV-commercials in the living room, the 3 J's have gathered around Quentin at the fridge to talk._

QUENTIN:   
… so don't tell Kevin, he wouldn't understand… you know how jealous he can get. Yes, I am kind of "dating" Brittany, but not that kind of intimate date. It is more like… that we are becoming good friends. 

JOEY: _(teases him)_   
That sounds gay. 

QUENTIN: _(offended)_   
No Joey, that doesn't sounds gay! You can't always press the sex-issue. Girls do want to have partnerships with guys who they can rely too….! 

JEFFY: _(teases him more)_   
That still sounds gay. 

QUENTIN: _(more offended)_   
Don't you ever read the Cosmopolitan??? Eh… I mean GQ, Maxim, FHM… 

JAMIE: _(grins)_   
Playgirl? Now, that sounds really very gay. 

QUENTIN: _(even more offended)_   
GAH! Don't you know, that there are two kinds of girls?   
The ones you are friends with and the ones you have sex with.   
And the girls, you are friends with, will introduce you to girls you can have sex…   
_(high-pinched voice)_   
Hi mom! 

_The 3 J's turn in the direction, in which Quentin is staring. Helen Morgendorffer has her hands at her on her hips. She is furious._

THE THREE J'S: _(quiet)_   
Hi, Mrs. Morgendorffer. 

QUENTIN: _(please note, that when Quentin speaks with a high-pinched voice, he does sounds like a girl)_   
Already back from work? 

HELEN: _(angry)_   
Could your friends leave now? I want to have a word with you. 

_In horror the 3 J's leave them alone. Quentin gulps._

HELEN: _(angry)_   
Quentin Lou Morgendorffer! You have disappointed me, I can't remember, that I have raised my son to be a… 

KEVIN VOICE OVER: _(yelling at the TV-set in the sitting room)_   
GO! GO! GO! 

HELEN: _(she turns to Kevin)_   
Could you please excuse us? We need a talk between mother and son. 

KEVIN:   
Okay ma'am. 

_Nothing happens._

HELEN: _(shouts)_   
NOW! 

_Kevin jumps up from the sofa._

KEVIN: _(mumbles)_   
Hmm, I better check up on Brittany.   


INT. THE HOME OF THE MORGENDORFFERS – GARAGE – EVENING   
_Darian and Brittany stand in front of the maze and the mouse-cage._

DARIAN:   
This is the final test: Put the mouse in the maze. 

_Brittany reaches into the cage, but unluckily grabs the mouse, which bites her hand._

BRITTANY: _(wines)_   
Ouch! Oooooooh! You icky little animal! 

DARIAN: _(concerned)_   
Brittany! Be careful. That is our only mouse. 

BRITTANY: _(wines more)_   
My hand. Oooooooooooooooooooooh. 

DARIAN: _(rolls his eyes)_   
Let me have a look. 

_He takes her hand and examines her wound._

DARIAN:   
I think we can avoid amputation… 

_The door opens and Kevin walks in. He catches the sight of Darian "holding hands" with Brittany._   
_Now that kind of behaviour wouldn't have aroused so much suspicion, if Darian and Brittany haven't freeze and pulled a stupid face._   
  


_END CHAPTER 2_

_LA-LA-LA-LA-LA_   
_COMMERCIAL BREAK_   
_LA-LA-LA-LA-LA_


	3. part 3

_LA-LA-LA-LA-LA_   
_COMMERCIAL BREAK_   
_LA-LA-LA-LA-LA_

_BEGIN CHAPTER 3_   
  


INT. THE HOME OF THE MORGENDORFFERS – GARAGE – EVENING   
_Finding your girlfriend's hand being hold by an other boy, obviously can have a simple reasonable explanation. Unless you are a 16-year old high-school-quarterback, pump full with testosterone, then your further actions are determined by the urge to kick your potential rival's teeth in._

_So after Kevin analyse the scene, his face fills with jealously and a huge amount of anger is building up in his muscles._

DARIAN: _(he lets Brittany's hand go)_   
Eep! 

_It is now crucial to calm down the whole situation by using appropriate words._   
_Unfortunately Brittany used the wrong ones._

BRITTANY:   
Uhm, Kevin. I can explain…   


EXT. THE HOME OF THE MORGENDORFFERS – EVENING   
_Nice sunset over Darian's House._

KEVIN VOICE OVER:   
No one messes with my girlfriend but me! Die! 

DARIAN VOICE OVER:   
Aaah!!! 

_The sounds of kicked away furniture are heard._

BRITTANY VOICE OVER:   
KEVY! KEVVVYYY! KEEEVVVYYY! 

_While the garage door opens slowly, Darian can roll out through a gap. He runs away, while the garage door opens entirely, revealing Brittany, who is holding back the raging Kevin._   


_SOME TIME LATER:_

EXT. LAWNDALE'S RESIDENTIAL AREA – ROAD – EVENING   
_Somewhere down the street, Darian is peering behind a tree. Jane, wearing her jogging outfit, spots him from behind. She sneaks up on him._

JANE:   
Hey. 

DARIAN: _(shrieks)_   
Eep! 

DARIAN VOICE OVER:   
Oh no! Why her?…   
_(He doesn't fail to notice her short grey trainer pants.)_   
Such slim legs…   
Stop that Darian! This situation is embarrassing enough! 

JANE:   
I have seen you running. You are quite fast. 

DARIAN VOICE OVER:   
Thank to the years of experience facing my deepest fears at school. 

DARIAN:   
Uh huh.   


_SOME TIME LATER:_

EXT. THE HOME OF THE MORGENDORFFERS – ROAD – EVENING   
_Darian and Jane are walking side by side. They stop in front of his house. They are talking to each other._

DARIAN: _(slightly embarrassed)_   
… and so it was… your Honour. 

JANE: _(smiles)_   
Thank you Defendant. I resume:   
The mouse bites Brittany hand. You examine the wound. Kevin comes in and sees how you are "literally" holding Brittany's hand. And before he can kick your teeth in. You managed to escape.   
Is there anything you wish to say before I pass sentence? 

DARIAN VOICE OVER:   
Your interrogation techniques do make the Spanish Inquisition proud. 

DARIAN:   
No. 

JANE:   
You are certainly a victim of a classical moment of timing. Common in the world of teeny-soap-operas, very rare in real life. So:   
Not guilty. Case suspended. 

DARIAN:   
Thank you… But that still doesn't save me from the dead penalty by Kevin. 

JANE:   
Gee, what is the matter with you boys? They see their girlfriend with an other man and turn nuts. 

DARIAN:   
The same thing can be also said about girls. 

JANE:   
Nah… Boys beat each other up, and then drink a beer together. That is there way of forgiving each other.   
Girls can never forgive. They just ignore each other for the rest of their lives.   


INT. THE HOME OF THE MORGENDORFFERS – GARAGE – EVENING   
_Darian walk into the open garage. It seems that Brittany and Kevin have left. Luckily the maze was still intact. But the mouse cage is gone. He takes a note from the table. It was written by Brittany. He starts to read it._

BRITTANY VOICE OVER:   
"Dear Darian,   
I have taken the mouse to my house, so we both can work together on our teamwork.   
See you tomorrow at school.   
LOL   
Brittany" 

JANE: _(peering over Darian's shoulder)_   
"LOL"!?!   
Oh, la, la! Thinking of it, maybe you have trained the mouse to bite her… 

DARIAN: _(embarrassed, he is about to blush)_   
Yes… No… See you tomorrow at school. 

_He rushes into his house. Jane is left behind and she rolls her eyes._   


INT. THE HOME OF THE MORGENDORFFERS – LIVING ROOM – EVENING   
_Quentin is sitting on the sofa and looks miserable. Because he has to witness how Helen and Jake are now debating about puberty. Darian walks pass them._

HELEN:   
Darian. Please join us! This is important.   
_(Darian, not knowing what he is expecting, does so.)_   
You know Jake, that we have decided to raise our sons not only to respect their own bodies, but also the bodies of others. 

JAKE:   
I will say. Respect for your body is essential…My teen years were a nightmare of shame and guilt. They didn't call it self-love then. They called it self-abuse. 

DARIAN AND QUENTIN: _(horrified)_   
EWWW NOT AGAIN!   


_CUT TO:_

INT. BRITTANY'S ROOM - DAY   
_Brittany speaks to the mouse in a cage._

BRITTANY:   
Okay Mr. Mouse. I have taken you to my home, so we both can know each other better. I need at least a "C" for my presentation. So you don't bite me and I don't bite you okay?   
_(She reaches into the cage, and the mouse doesn't bite her.)_   
SUCCESS!   
_(She pets the mouse and puts it back into the cage.)_

_Unaware to Brittany, her little brother Brian was spying on her all the time at the door. He rubs his hands with a psychopathic grin on his face._   


_NEXT DAY:_

INT. LAWNDALE HIGH – CORRIDOR   
_Brittany and Kevin are arguing._

KEVIN:   
…But babe, I didn't do anything wrong. 

BRITTANY:   
Don't lie to me, Kevin. It's all over school now because of you!   
All the girls say I am dating Quentin by using Darian as an excuse.   
While all the boys say I am dating Darian by using Quentin as an excuse. 

KEVIN:   
I think my heads hurts! 

BRITTANY:   
Now to stop all these rumours. You have to make peace with Darian. Right now! 

_She points with her finger to Darian, who is standing on the other side on the hall not far away of some other students. Kevin walks up to him._

KEVIN:   
Hey Darian. 

DARIAN:   
Hey Kevin. 

_Kevin turns back to Brittany, who is watching them. She glares at him. He turns back._

KEVIN:   
Uhm… about last evening. Brittany told me you have saved her from amputation… well… I have kind of overreacted… we nearly had a fight… well I had a fight, you ran away… but still… sorry. 

DARIAN:   
Pardon accepted. 

KEVIN:   
I was a bit jealous… Do you think I have made a fool out of myself? 

DARIAN:   
Well Kevin, if you ask me for a straight answer, then I shall say that, as far as I can see, looking at it by and large, taking one thing with another in terms, then in the final analysis it is probably true to say, that at the end of the day, in general terms, you would probably find that, not to put too fine a point on it, there probably wasn't very much in it one way or the other…As far as one can see…. At this stage. 

KEVIN: _(pretending he would understand)_   
Yes… You know why babes like to make boys jealous? They like when boys fight over them. It makes those vixens feel special. 

DARIAN:   
Kevin I never thought I would say this, but that is very deep. 

KEVIN:   
Yeah… what? 

DARIAN:   
Sorry, just forget my last sentence… So no harsh feeling then? 

KEVIN:   
No. I mean we are both grown up men. 

_Kevin stretches out his hand, Darian does too and they both shake hands._

VOICE OVER DARIAN AND KEVIN:   
Sucker. 

BRITTANY:   
Let's go into class, guys! 

VOICE OVER DARIAN AND KEVIN:   
Bitch.   


_CUT TO:_

INT. LAWNDALE HIGH – SCIENCE CLASS   
_The class is seated but the teacher hasn't arrived yet. Darian is building up the maze on the front table. Brittany puts the cage on the table. He takes a peak inside the cage. He is stunned and says to Brittany._

DARIAN:   
Do you have a little brother? 

BRITTANY:   
How do you know? 

_She takes a peak inside the cage. She is stunned._

BRITTANY:   
Damn! That Brian! He must have hurt our little mousie-wousie. 

Darian puts it into the maze. The paralysed, traumatized mouse is shivering in fear, unable to find its way through the maze. 

BRITTANY:   
What shall we do? 

DARIAN:   
Teamwork! You will have to think up something fast and improvise. Meanwhile I will abandon all hope and write an "F" into my personal school journal. 

_Ms. Barch enters the room._

BARCH:   
Brittany, Darian. I see you have set everything up, so you can start right now. 

_Ms Barch glares at Darian, waiting for him to open his mouth. But Darian is mute. She turns to Brittany._

BARCH:   
Brittany, did you go with negative or positive reinforcement? 

BRITTANY:   
Um... negative? I mean... positive?   
_(She points at the immobile mouse in the maze.)_   
The mouse, um... it's supposed to run down the path. Right? I mean to look out for food pellet cheese. That is positive reinforcement. Because it is rewarded, it always does things, it won't do normally.   
Now in this case, due my little psycho brother, the mouse wasn't rewarded, but tormented. So it does not do things, it would do normally. That is negative reinforcement. 

_She picks up the shivering mouse and forms a cocoon with her hand over it. The mouse stops shivering. She puts it back into the maze and like a miracle the mouse walks to the food pellet._

BRITTANY:   
And that was again positive reinforcement. In conclusion: Similar reactions also occur in human society. A child who gets love and care can become something real special like a head cheerleader, while a child who gets hate and neglect can only become a looser. 

_The whole class focus on Darian._

BRITTANY:   
… uhm… END! 

_Thinking of it… It was a very impressive show of Brittany._

_Darian is impressed by Brittany._   
_Ms. Barch is impressed by Brittany._   
_The whole class is impressed by Brittany._   
_Kevin is folding paper planes._

DARIAN: _(impressed, that she actually has learned something from him)_   
That was good! 

BARCH: _(angry)_   
Don't interrupt… you… you… you must have… used hypnosis! 

_A war was raging inside Ms Barch's mind._   
_The teacher inside of her wanted to give them a "B+"._   
_The man-hating bitter divorced women wanted to give them a "D"._   
_The teacher won._

BARCH:   
Although you presented us a very simplistic view, we still could understand the core of your subject.   
_(grinning her teeth)_   
B+!   
Both of you. 

BRITTANY: _(squeals)_   
B+! OH! Darian. That is so wonderful! 

_Brittany hugs him and gives him a peck on his cheek. Darian, not used to this kind of intimacy, is stunned._

KEVIN:   
WHY YOU! I KNEW IT ALL THE TIME! 

_He clutches his fists while storming to Darian, who is pulling a stupid face._

_FADE OUT:_   
_While the carnage takes place._

THE END 

_MUSIC: "JEALOUS GUY" BY "JOHN LENNON"_   
_CLOSING CREDITS._   


END NOTES:   
There will be 12 Episodes, which will range from Season 1 to Season 5 of the original Daria series. All the other episodes are skipped, since I have got no intention to rewrite 65 episodes and 2 TV-movies.   
If you have any questions, corrections and/or comments, then please E-Mail me under: ace_trax@yahoo.de   
When you want to see the fanart then go to: copyright owner of the TV-Series "Daria" is MTV.   
I have no connection with the copyright owners and I don't have the legal rights to use their material. This fanfiction story was done without   
authorization, permission or approval by their respective copyright owners. 

AUTHOR'S COPYRIGHT:   
Please note that this fanfiction is a derivative work, so it is protected by copyright law as long as the words and syntax are novel. That means:   
Me, as the author of this work do not own the pre-existing copyrighted stuff, but I do own the whole rest. Those are all the novel words and   
syntax, which make the story.   
This story is not for profit, it is a work of pure fandom, without any financial interests.   
Any financial or other uses of this document without the specific permission of the authors (me and the other copyright owners) are forbidden.   
Text Copyright © 2004, Ace Trax. All rights reserved. 

THANKS AND ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:   
Thanks to the creative minds of MTV, who gave the world the best TV-series of all time: "The Osbournes". 


End file.
